I am Envy

My start was incredibly envious.

I was born in an environment 

One that my parents forbade 

I not be a part of.

I wanted to be part of those Halloweens 

I longed to be with kids my age.

I saw them walking down the streets,

Playing on playgrounds,

Being in school and having so many friends.

I envied those kids that I could not be with.

Even after moving to another state,

Still it seemed that we lived in another world

Apart from the masses.

I still wanted to be part of the crowd

All the church friends that I had 

Lived miles away

I always wanted the neighborhood gang

All I had were my siblings for social comfort

And that was not always a good thing

Being the youngest by several years 

My siblings moved into teenage years 

Whilst I remained a child

My parents often protected me from their antics

But in their protection I was further alienated from kids my age

I befriended my older brother’s friends

This was a loneliness that most would grasp anything to make it feel less

When I finally went to public school

The experience was akin to culture shock

I was place into seventh grade

After being homeschool 

The teachers and students cared little for one

That showed up out of the blue.

In fact most of the teachers considered me stupid

Leave those allegations to my parents

My mom who had taught me all my life

Slapped down my transcripts and tests

Showing that I was more intelligent than most of their others

I was just socially awkward 

And I had never seen so many kids my age

Most of my “friends” were several years older than I.

Friends that I could not call upon.

I was thrown into the deep in of life

I had not been raised rise to this sort of challenge

Betwixt kids making fun of me for being dumb,

Hours of school and hours of homework 

Something that I had never heard of

My life of Envy had quickly become one of Wrath

My anger was great

And instead of breaking out of my shell

I sunk farther into it

My life was one of anger and hatred

I hated school and all the students and teachers

There was nothing for me 

Nothing was learned 

And I was alone 

A face in a crowd

My life was a jealous one

I wanted to have the TV lifestyle 

Of a main character with many friends

A main character that grew up with many opportunities 

With many teachers and friends that cared about me.