It t’were the day before the day before Christmas,

All the humans t’were moving,

All over the place,

Shopping to do,

Traveling to be done,

Presents to wrap,

The lights were on and everybody was gone,

No sleep was required for these restless maniacs.

For Christmas was soon,

On a weekend it was,

A four day work week,

Panic set forth,

The malls and Walmarts were filled, 

With the last minute shoppers,

That could not be fulfilled by Amazon,

Checkouts for the selves,

Asinine the dance was,

People working at stores to spend money that they had earned elsewhere,

It t’were the cashier lanes that t’were empty,

And customers that complained for this lack of corporate effort,

On Christmas Eve,

The cooking began,

For the lunch of Christmas day,

Was soon to be had.

The Turkey had caught on fire,

The potatoes roasted to a crunch,

The yams were too hard, 

The carrots too soft,

The apple pie tasted like peaches,

The pecan tasted like almonds,

Who was it that went shopping at the last minute?

It t’were the morning of Christmas,

After a brief tornado of want and greed,

The stockings were emptied,

Presents were opened,

The fireplace was set ablaze with the wrapping paper,

It was not the Christmas lunch one would expect,

Chinese food was the obvious choice. 

The breath after Christmas,

What a joy it was,

To see only two cashiers in that return line to service all those who self-served.

It t’were the day after Christmas, 

Family had left,

Food had been eaten,

Life had been lived. 

Would I regret that it had?

Nah,

I’d do it again, 

In a year,

I need that long to recover