It was almost my turn.

What a life I have had. I lived in the country and with my grandmother. I thought that I had forgotten that. She was a good old country lady, such a woman is hard to find these days. Yet her goodness was not enough to stop what happened. I can’t even remember what it was. God, what was it? Why can’t I remember? Is there no justice? Perhaps it is justice to have this happen. What was it that I did? I cannot remember. Was there always a pain in my head? Why can’t I remember?

Three more to go. That door is dark and a looming threat. But why am I here? There are no guards, no social workers, nobody from the courtroom. Was I in court? I cannot remember. Any time that I try to think of the answer more and more questions come to my mind and the questions get asked and the reason goes away. 

Two more to go. What is the reason for the others here with me? They are in front and behind. Are they bigger or smaller? Why can I not reason myself to know? They must be bigger, no, they are smaller, no, I don’t know! There is no one to ask! Why am I here!?! The answer alludes to all reasons.

One more to go. Time is moving fast, or does each of us in line seem to go slower the closer we get? Questions upon questions, queries that go unanswered. Do the others feel the same? Have I asked them recently? I can’t remember. Did I ask just now? Have I said anything? Why am I here? Did I ask that already? Have the walls always been green? Did the man in front of me turn around just now? Why are there rows and rows of doors? How did I not notice before? Or did I? Why am I here? Did I ask that already? I am sure I did, I just can’t remember when.

My turn is next. The door is black and steeled, bolted and hinged. Why can I say that with certainty and yet questions still plague my mind? Is there such a thing as certain? What is certain? Why am I here? Where is here? I must look at the man behind me and ask where I am. The poor sod has a hopeless face, sunken and desperate. What was I going to ask? The question has left me. My reason is gone and I am lost. 

The door swung open and I walked in. I am standing in front of a large man. At least I assume that he was a man for he was bigger than any man that I had ever known. He reached out to me with both arms. His left arm settled with a firm grip on my right shoulder. His right hand, He placed it over my heart and it seemed that his grip over my heart was like a vice. With a speed that I had never known and a strength that was utterly foreign, He seperated my heart from the rest of me. It was as if I was standing behind and I watched as he seperated me into two.

The giant holds His right hand close to his body and faintly I can see a small light fainter than the dimmest star. Its light was faint, but it was still there. He held it close to His face and ever so gently, He blew His sweet breath into me. It was as if in that instant that I understood. My light was the dim star. The speck that was worth saving, my body was tossed aside and could no longer even be recognized on the floor.

Why? What? Where? These question matter not to me anymore. I have been saved from drowning within my own evils. For the giant sought me within my own darkness and saw what little light I produced and saved that alone. Then with His breath, blew into me and made me shine. I never lost reason again.