Screwtape Tribute

The Nailbed Memos

By Zachary Furr

To a M.S. Crowsfeet,

It is good to make your acquaintance. As you are new to the block I feel that is just that to introduce you to the world of man in the modern age. As you have undoubtedly realized the people of the world are more and more un-attuned to our and our enemy’s presence in this world due to cellular devices. Distractions have always been a solid weapon in our arsenal, these new age devices are a nuclear bomb compared to the hand grenade books of old. Therefore, it is easier for us to garner a foothold with them. You will see that most of the population spends their time with their heads down praying to the new idols of the internet, social media and pop culture. For with these tools, mankind’s once focused attention has drifted into many different directions, and made themselves a lot more viable for distraction from the enemy’s encampment of prayer and quiet. Indeed, with constant wins such as these, our enemy’s people actually have to put aside time in their busy schedules just to make time to be with Him. Make her time more worthwhile by looking up old friends and keeping in contact with other humans that she has not seen in years. Have the daily news seem more appealing to her eyes than that of a daily devotional. With these ploys, our father down below is more satisfied with the news of every celebrity or political jargon that she may come across.

Thus we have secured a delaying tactic to keep our forces strong and the enemy is drown out by all the distractions of the modern world. As long as your first client keeps her head down and focused on the world, you will have no problems in winning that battle.

Sincerely,

Your new mentor, Nailbed.

To a M.S. Crowsfeet.

Due to your last report, I have the understanding that your client is a fan of exercising in a rigorous manner. Running, jogging, walking, calisthenics, and weight lifting. As such she is not a fan of sloth or of gluttony and she will more quickly identify with vanity, lust and envy. Show her an image to strive towards and have her way of exercising be more about her herself and her gain of knowledge of the world. As she spends time in the world, suggest to her that the indoor gym would allow her to keep her focus longer on her goals of the perfect body. With her body shrouded and out of sight in the world, she may give into envy and lust quite easily. Women that spend all their time in the gym will put your client’s bodily image into question and perhaps she will spend more time in the gym perfecting her image, thereby, turning her own body into a image of envy. Then once that image is achieved she will also gain the image of lust, and many people of both sexes will want her. Such is the world we inhabit. We just encourage it more than we used to, for what greater insult is it to the Enemy than for His creations to worship an image more closer to their own image than the ones that he created for them. As she is not keeping her head down to pay attention to social media. Attract her attention then to the books of our brothers, teach her to stop paying a mind to the voices of nature which only seem to proclaim the Enemy’s name in all its manner. Get her to listen to the audiobooks genres of: science fiction to show her that a fantasy is far beyond her reach, romance novels to teach her that the romance of real life with never be as good as what she hears, philosophy to show her the many different views of the world, and self-help books to teach her that she can make herself perfect through her own futile efforts. She will learn that the Enemy is just one more of the many ways of life in the world and will pay it no more mind than that of lesbian dance theory. Thus scoring another win for our side. Keep her mind busy and the natural world out and our victory will be assured.

Sincerely,

Your mentor, Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

In your last report, you stated that your client has begun to make friends with a christian co-worker. This is a normal problem for most of us in that country. There are a lot of people that proclaim to be with the enemy, for as with most christians in that country, their faith has not been truly been tested, thus they are not really convicted enough to try and witness to your client. Instead try to reassure that her image needs to be placed on a pedestal than that of her spiritual welfare. For if you can kept her attention away from the Christianity as a religion and more about the unfactual facts or myths of Christianity, she may simply laugh it off and deem that the whole of Christianity is nothing more than a story of the impossible making it out to be more of a fiction and not worth taking the time to research more effectively. For it is in history that we are truly defeated, so keep her mind in the present and away from meeting any more christians. It is in the solitude of humans that we once again attain a victory. Do not take this warning lightly, for the Enemy will try to focus his child to remember her morals and upbringing. Simply encourage your client to laugh her off and continue to encourage her to update her status and take another selfie to post to an already saturated wall of pictures.

Sincerely,

Your mentor Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Good evening, my dear. I trust that your client has been enjoying your company has much as you have been by her side during this transition in her life. I write to you today to make sure that you are aware of theatrical releases and the effects that they produce. These items are more than simply going to a movie theater and over spending money on movie tickets, popcorn, sodas, as well as spending more than two hours on a vast amount of time of viewing a brother’s imagination. These movies may effect your client’s grip on reality itself, as long as she is not grounded too well. Movies allow us a much greater area of effect for us to be a more prominent in our client’s lives. Then the merchandising comes into play as well. No long does man wish to imitate God, no, no, now he feels much more compelled to imitate the hero’s and villains’ that they see on the silver screen. heroes that have not made the greatest of sacrifices and are in no danger whatsoever, as they have a franchise to continue with, thus allowing our brothers to block the Enemy’s influence more easily. A word of caution with this, I must say, allow your client to imitate the heroes, but not delve further than that. For all heroes hold one or two characteristics that our Enemy just loves to pronounce. Counter this observation with the lore of the heroes, as that will confuse your partner, thus allowing for yet another win for our side.

Sincerely,

Your mentor, Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Regarding your last report, *ahem*, WHAT IN THE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING!?!

You allowed your client to say yes to her Christian co-worker’s invitation to attend church and play right into the Enemy’s hands. That church is one of the hardest one to infiltrate as the songs of praises drown out all of notions to persuade them otherwise. I MEAN COME ON! WHY ELSE WOULD I SPEND ALL THIS TIME TEACHING THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF OUR SOCIETY, IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO GIVE HER UP FOR IN A INSTANCE AND ALLOW THE ENEMY TO TAKE POSSESSION OF HER FOR AN ENTIRE MORNING. AND THEN GO TO LUNCH WITH THE CO-WORKERS CHRISTIAN FRIENDS. ALLOWING FOR THE FIRST HALF OF THE SUNDAY AFTERNOON AS WELL. You must understand the seriousness of this situation, for all your work will not MEAN A THING IF YOU ALLOW THE ENEMY TO DO WHATEVER  HE WANTS. You must fight the enemy at all times do not allow your client to go anywhere without you. For in that instant, the Enemy will be at her side and whisper SWEET GOODNESS IN HER EAR, SHOWING HER THAT WHAT SHE IS DOING IS AND CONVINCING HER TO REALIZE OUR HARD WORK HAS BEEN ALL FOR NOUGHT. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE FOR ALL MY REPORTS THAN HEARING THAT ONE OF THE MOST PROMISING STUDENTS HAS FAILED SO TREMENDOUSLY THAT WE WILL HAVE TO START IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I MEAN, WHO TOLD YOU IT WAS OKAY TO LEAVE HER ALONE. MSK MAK DSK….

*The letter has changed hands to the under-secretary of Master Nailbed, one Mr. Rotroot. His hand writes what is dictated to him as Master Nailbed has changed into a large phonograph as a condition of his rage. A tactic used by the Enemy to transform the devils to make sure that the devils don’t fall into a debilitating rage which will cause harm to themselves and others around them. A biological debilitation that the Enemy above placed in all of his servants, pre-fall.*

My dear, I’m sorry that I lost my temper and wrote in so many capital letters, however, you must know that your work will now become much more intense and a lot more difficult as you have allowed the Enemy to gain a foothold in your client’s life, a foothold in her memory. You must start to be at her elbow unceasing now, do not for even a moment. For that may be your undoing once again.

Sincerely,

Your mentor, Nailbed

Written by Under-secretary Rotroot

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Now that you have realized the fullness of your mistake you come to me me looking for help, I wish I could that that was the first time that I have hear that compliant but sadly my wishes often go unfulfilled. So there is no time to dwell further o such things, so we will move on. Your client has been to church and she liked and will continue to attend. That is fine, just know that no matter how painful it is for you to attend, you must go. Tempt her eyes with the thoughts of the young men in the crowd. Get her to lust after them and not after God, doing this may get her friends to asked her to leave more quickly, it is a slim chance but may at least partial corrupt the friendship.

As your client has been a pagan for most of her life, an organized religion may seem like more of a farce rather than that of a way to God. Use that farce to allow your client to see Christianity with a skeptical eye. Endeavor to keep that skepticism flowing throughout the week, during her morning routine, during her workout, and especially at work. Show her that she should be seen as the most important person every Sunday and that her pride was treated as nothing more than that of what she deserved. For you see, my dear, mankind’s own fall could be attributed to pride and it is the easiest way for us to maintain a grasp on them.

Sincerely,

Your mentor, Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

This is a time of plenty, my dear, and as such I expect that you are are exploiting that fact to the fullest. encourage your clients to eat more, drink more, and have their overall intake be more. Gluttony and Greed can be more, all it takes is a taste of goodness to have it be corrupted for our father’s will.  The sugary sweets and alcoholic beverages, while nearly absent during World War Two and after, are now more prevalent than ever in this new world. Thus the sweets allow for diseases such as diabetes, obesity and depression to run rampant in the cultured society. It is the ease of access that the processed food allow mankind to further their hatred of God, as if He was the cause in their foolish greed and gluttony. Therefore, as mankind will not recognize their own faults they will continue to follow our lead more willingly than ever.

Sincerely,

Your mentor, Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Perhaps this is the time to discuss one of our greatest weapons in this digital age, but it is the one of the oldest in the world. Adultery, sexually immorality, and known as pornography by the internet. For this is by one of many super weapons that is utilized by our brothers. We encourage our clients to worship the bodies of each other by viewing the millions of videos and pictures of pornography. Taking was what once seen as a hard worked relationship be given over to the instant gratification of something that can be achieved in mere moments. Not only does this corrupt adult relationships, who seek the corruption more and more, but it also corrupts the highly impressionable youth of naïve parents. Often times the images and videos stay with the client far beyond the time that they watched it. Allowing them to expect more of the relationships than what they are meant to achieve. The corrupted will fail at all their relationships and harm others in their wake. Creating new lives and aborting them in the process thinking that that will hide their shame, when in reality they will create more depression. Thus we have created a much more of a gap between the Enemy and his favorites.

Sincerely

Your mentor, Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

From Under-secretary RotRoot:

Good day dearest,

I am writing to you as Master Nailbed has stepped out for a constitutional day for his health and he only gets one every three hundred years. He, of course, takes an entire week to himself and leaves all his memos and letters to me.

    Constitutional. Political. There is no fuel greater for disbelief in your country than that of the political atmosphere. For everything in the world can be rooted back to your country’s economics which is controlled by the government of the most corrupt nature. For every elected official thinks of themselves as the most important person in the world, mainly because they have tasted one of God’s lovely powers. Faith. For people of all sorts of colors, genders, races, and different beliefs all hold true to the idea that they are represented in their government by the ones that have been place into their power, and you know what they do, too little or too much.

    Too little; they get their power and do nothing with it. being on a committed for nothing more than longer toothpicks. They gain their power and see it as a way to float through life in the limelight of the most corrupt world by contributing nothing besides an empty vote.

    Too much; these ones are our most useful ones as they are most susceptible to our suggestions and thereby they’re leading their contributors and voters down the long easy way. However, only the ones that they lead, follow them.

    With the different political parties having such differences it is best to simply have your clients be true believers of their affiliations. To make them confused and beyond listening to God, our brothers have continued to influence them through floating heads and media outlets of social media. It is your job to influence their opinions to not make any sense at all. Push their thoughts one way and their actions another.

Sincerely

Under-Secretary RotRoot

In Place of Master Mentor Nailbed, a.k.a Lazy Ass.

To a M.S. Crowsfeet,

I write to you after a very fulfilling vacation at the Vatican. Do you think that that is odd? Of course you do. Most of the younger generation thinks that it is odd, senior demons taking vacations in heavily religious areas. It’s true, it is very religious, however,  it is not very Godly. Irony abounds. The men and women that live at these places often considered themselves to live in the kingdom of heaven. They believe that they are already on equal footing with God, thereby, their Vanity soars high and far. They are so far gone that even if they were to admit their mistake. They would never admit to their own embarrassment.

This brings another up another interesting point about the lifetime religious nuts. There so many of them and their writing that sometimes, a lot of the time, is convoluted beyond meaning. They may have been inspired by the Word in the beginning, but they started their own translation. And then someone else read the translation and wrote their own translation about the translation, and so on and so on. Man makes the Word of the Enemy so confusing that our clients will trust us more and more, and believe that the Enemy is poorly represented by all the confusing jargon that the authors have made far from the source material. If one book is referenced more than the actual Word during a failed witnessing, then know that our brothers have succeeded and that instead of an apostle for the Enemy, they are a witness for another man. Thus we have secured another victory for us.

Sincerely,

Your Mentor, Nailbed.

P.S. Under-secretary Rotroot apologizes for the profanity of the last memo

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Hello Dearest, I understand that one of your clients has expressed an interest in learning more about us and the “powers” we give. Of course, as you know, we cannot really give power to mortals. We instead imbue them with the illusion that they have always had that power and we just magnify and corrupt it. They’ll begin believing that their power is theirs alone not realizing that if they had chosen the Enemy’s desire for their life their own unique power may have grown to one of the most dangerous weapons to have been used against us. But because they have embraced us, they know us as being the only power source that they know and rebut the Enemy and all his workers. We must relish in this and have them become more and more dependent on us for their illusion of power. We will keep milking their greed, envy, and pride for all that it worth. Thus more corrupt souls for us. Keep up the pleasurable work.

Sincerely your Mentor,

Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Good evening, Dearest. I have heard that your clients listen to music. This is not a bad thing in the modern age. Just make sure the “music” that they listen to is no more than just the glorious noise filled with all the compliments, pain, vulgarity and death that mankind knows all too well. For there is no greater time than now for humans to detest each other and the Enemy. As your clients exercise outside, advise them that nature has nothing more to offer them than that of musical-less noise, so that the Enemy cannot show them the wonders of His despicable creation. Allow the human to clasp headphones on their ears as if it were like their own hands. For that is exactly what these devices are like, they disconnect humanity from their own Creator and disconnect themselves from the joy that he has provided, thus securing our victory.

Sincerely your Mentor,

Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Dearest, I hear tell from your sibling, Slimephanlge, that one of your clients is a single mother of five different fathers. Lucky you. You win the lottery. Single mothers are one of the easiest to devour as well as one that is easy to corrupt. For single mothers believe that their child can do no wrong. They are advocates for their “perfect” children, their delicious love for their children is so misplaced that one may be nutrition from simply being in their presence. Their misplaced love for their child is like fine cognac. For they themselves have no clue what love is like. The Enemy has not yet infiltrated their lives, so their notion of love is like the most bitter of water to His followers. And because of her misplaced love to her many lovers, her will is almost nonexistence, her love for her children is the only thing that gives her life any meaning. For the men that enter their lives are nothing more than a step above us, for they seek nothing more than that of the pleasures of the world which we provide at the mere cost of their souls.

Praise be to our father below that has given this country so many easily corruptible souls that have forgotten our Enemy and his stagnate followers that no good is being done to our food.

Sincerely Your Mentor,

Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet

Your correspondence due to the lack of wrath in most of your clients have not gone unnoticed. My suggestion to you is to encourage you to suggest to your clients that they should purchase an automobile, a car, a truck, or just a driver license in general. For your country has one of the best road systems with some of the worst drivers. After all what does one expect with all the freedoms that they are afforded. There is no better way for traffic to unleash the wrath of man than through ‘Road Rage’. For never does man get into more trouble than that of a simple cutoff and a slow misunderstanding. For man does finds it very easy to slip into his vast well of anger for the simple release of stress. Little do they know that well can run deep and rage and murder are just beneath the lip of that pellicular cup. If one grabs just the perfect human, then one may simply bathe in the overwhelming negative energy and live quite well.

Sincerely Your Mentor,

Nailbed

To a M.S. Crowsfeet,

My Dear, I hear that one of your ‘Christian’ clients has a passion for singing to the Enemy.  There are all sorts of wrong with that, but that is not to say that there is some good to be found. Encourage the passion that your client shows for singing, make that more important to them than the actual words that they sing. Make their life revolve around singing rather than the Enemy. Refocus their passion towards the world and allow for more challenging songs that have been written by our brothers. The more and more they sing, the farther and farther they will drift away from the Enemy’s grasp, because they will push away from Him and make their passion more important to their livelihood and the Enemy may be forgotten by your client. If the Enemy is placed even slightly to the side, then your client has made an idol out of their passion thus allowing more room for our side to grow.

Your mentor,

Nailbed.

To a M.S. Crowsfeet,

My dear, I hear that one of your clients is confused by all this gender conflict. This is good for us as I am sure that you are aware that a woman being a woman is slowly becoming an outdated idea in this day and age. Ironic isn’t? That the women that fought so hard for their rights, are now forfeiting their natural rights to motherhood. Proving, once again, that our side is better. These women that give up the ideal womanhood for that of the ideal of manhood. These are the instruments of our brothers in arms. The tools of envy and greed. For a simple whisper into the ear of any human makes for a most enjoyable dinner. These women turning into men or vice-versa, men turning into women. Showing that the envy of one sex for the other overwhelms their need for a relationship with the opposite sex and they can just become the opposite sex on their own. Is it too much so far? The most fun part about all this is that it is in mankind’s own nature to want more than they have. Greed and envy, like I stated earlier. Here’s to your victory.

Signed, your Mentor

Nailbed.

To a M.S. Crowsfeet,

Evil tidings towards you and your clientele. My name is Senior Master Tormentor Oscar Nailbed. I am delighted to make your acquaintance, my dear. I understand that you are the spawn of Hedgemeat, spawn of DickleFinger, spawn of Wormwood, spawn of Screwtape. I hope with such a powerful lineage that you will prove to be a most valuable asset. Of course the Under-secretary saw fit to assign me to you for your mentoring in the real world. For the real world is a perfect mix of the spiritual and physical realms. Where what happens in reality affects both at the same time. Our job as demons is to upset that balance by making mankind forget about the spiritual realm, through thoughts and whispers this is easy enough to do. And we all have the seven useful tools that humanity treasure in the path for their dishonest righteousness. Greed, envy, pride, gluttony, sloth, lust, and wrath; these are the core values that every all our brothers know and share with the humans to bring them down to our level. I fully expect for you to report the various uses of these basic tools. Good hunting my dear.

Sincerely,

Nailbed